Gone in Winter

 You know when they are gone

The world sighs, and seems just a few degrees colder

There’s an emptiness in the air around

 

It ever seems too long

And the grief is too much to shoulder

The creeping cold of oldest memory will soon surround

 

All the words will never be said

Just as all the moments are never lost

From waking until we lay down to bed

Our thoughts so still amongst the seeping frost

 

A time to remember, a time to reflect

A time to move on, and maybe forget

Time cascading down the cornice 

The icicles reaching low

Among the onding, our souls listless 

Time finally begins to slow

 

In the cold there is a stillness

But in times of loss, its stiller still

Staring out into the fog, in our minds and beyond

For although night outside is silent

Our hearts are anything but calm

 

And in the fog our thoughts are scattered

As they attempt to reconvene

Between anxiety, sadness and the anger

Or lost in the frazil in between

 

As we rest our head against the window pane

These tears that stain our face with pain

And beyond that window in the falling snow

As the snow turns to rain and in the frost to ice again

A moment’s clarity we get to know

 

That they are with us now, as they we ever

From the beginning of our memories, into forever

As old as the firns, as eternal as the skies

The exquisite ache of love now past wells up

Til it escapes our eyes

 

Then the sweetest sadness warms us like vapor

Love’s steam upon an aching soul

That piece of us is gone forever

But these missing pieces, they make us whole

My Baby Girl

 Every tender moment, I’ve experienced, or thought I knew

Coalesced and distilled, into the shape my heart holds for you

Every swelling in my chest, that makes me so happy I could cry

I behold in your little smile when you look me in the eye

And holding you is completion, this little angel entrusted to me

To arm with love, knowledge and strength, to face your destiny

I wish this could be forever, this innocent joy of mine

That I could hold you close and love you, from now till the end of time

I never knew it would feel like this

To be so happy that it hurts

To introduce you to this life

To a whole new world of firsts

Your little hand around my finger

Like my heart wrapped around yours

Every fiber of my being

Focused on how much I adore

Every moment you are with me

And how I never really knew

How full my life would be

The moment I held you

Lessons From Stan Lee

 Few Lessons from Stan.

From Peter Parker, I learned that with great power comes great responsibility. But that power can also feel small against the evils of the world. Spiderman often faces opponents more powerful than him in some way, and fights to overcome this. We all have abilities, things within our power, it may seem small against the onslaught of awful from the world around us, but we can never give up fighting.

From Matt Murdock, I learned that we do not have to let our limitations define us. We do not have to let the hardships or our lives keep us from doing great things. And that we do not have to let the evils around us dissuade us from what we know to be right.

From Bobby Drake I learned how important it is to keep your sense of humor, even when things are tough and going wrong.

From Warrant Worthington III, I learned that life can sometimes change, drastically and awfully. That we can feel like we’re going to die, and might wish we did. But when we come through the other side, we will be stronger than we ever imagined possible.

From Sue Storm, I learned that we don’t always have to be seen for our presence to be felt.

From Mastermind, I learned to not always trust the way things appear.

From Nick Fury, I learned that there are shades of gray in this world we don’t understand when we’re young, and difficult decisions to make in order to accomplish our goals.

From Bruce Banner, I learned that our rage can consume us if we let it, and actions taken in that anger can destroy everything around us. That even though a Hulk might manifest within us in reaction to the injustices we endure and perceive, we need to check in with the Bruce Banner within us and find a more logical way to work through things, rather than lash out in anger.

From Stephen Strange, I learned that although one path may end, our lives our not over. This was something that I needed in 2013 when I felt abandoned, alone, and that my lifelong dream had dried up and died. But even though one journey may end, it does not mean that we cannot find a new path, learn a new skill and discover a new purpose. Seriously Stan, thank you so much for this one.

What We Didn't Know We Lost

 Ever have a friend or relative that you lost track of for years, only to find out that they passed away? It's an odd feeling. I don't know if there's really any such thing as closure in human life, but you still feel like something was lost. Like you wished you could have found or connected with them again...

Just putting those thoughts into cadence here.

I never got to see you

Once more before you left forever

One thing that I’ve learned is true

Is life is as uncertain as the weather

They say that death is not the end

And each end brings us to something new

But I wanted to talk with you again

And now that’s something that I’ll never do

I don’t know why you were away so long

Or what you even did while you were there

And I’ll never know now that you’re gone

I won’t waste my breath to say this ain’t fair

I’m sad for all the time we lost

Chapters in each other’s lives we never read

Despite wishes, summer always turns to frost

And I’ll never get more gold from this lead

For I never got to see you

Once more before you left forever

And one thing that I’ve learned is true

Is life is as uncertain as the weather

~ Gideon Hodge

Reliving the Past, Reimagining the Future

 Matt Murdock: "I'd take that back if I could."

Sister Maggie: "If God allowed that, there'd be no future. Just people endlessly re-mending the past."

This bit of dialogue shook me. I, like most people, have chunks of my past I wish I might have done differently. I've mapped it out in my head at times, how I could change things, knowing what I know now.

This line of thinking can leave us feeling trapped however, that we are constantly looking back on what you didn't do right, or what evils were done to us. And we might have every reason to do so. There's no harm in mourning, it helps us move on.

But that second part is key. Moving on. Moving forward.

We take what we learn from our mistakes, from our past injuries, from the mistakes of those around us, and if we can find the focus and the wisdom, we will make different choices and be better tomorrow than we were yesterday.

But in that one line, Sister Maggie jarred these endless reflections and what ifs inside me with the idea of this endless loop of trying to fix things only to have other things go wrong that I did not foresee. Then going back to mend or change those. Then seeing other ways, new ways I could change what's already happened.

But I'd never be moving forward. Just like I am when I dwell in the past.

And like the traveler in Pilgrim's Progress, I felt this huge weight roll from on top of me. I suddenly felt free of all of those endless looks backwards, because that's not my life. That's not my future. 

My destiny lies before me, using the lessons of the past to forge something greater to come. And it is that for all of you.

That burden of the mistakes and hurts of yesterday do not have to be this endless dwelling place where we become mired in the what ifs, the "If I'd only done this", and I say this being one of the worst offenders.

Hopefully this realization, and this thought that this loop of regret and change of the past, seeing it for the endless circle going no where that it is. Hopefully this takes some weight off your chest too.

Thank you for reading.

~Gideon Hodge

Life Will Beat You to Your Knees

Nothing hits harder than life. Life will beat you to your knees and keep you there if you let it.

A line from one of my favorite movies but no less true.

So many of us push through life in a crucible of our own failings, missed chances, and narrow losses.

But if you've ever watched certain stories unfold there's a place where the hero is defeated many times before and suddenly they find the strength to overcome an obstacle that destroyed them in the past. And they Wonder at this new-found strength.

Because what they didn't realize is that they were facing much greater challenges then the obstacle they were looking at all along. The other thing they don't realize is that for all the immense strength they showed in defeating that opponent or overcoming that mountain they are actually far stronger than any of that.

Because the scars and the hurt and the pain and the discouragement and everything else that told them to stop and turn around and give up pushed against them like a hurricane of white-hot blistering sand. 

And in those periods of the unimaginable cruelty of life they would have traded anything in the world to get away from that pain. But digging down to not just survive but to overcome they became something more than they ever thought possible.

And so too will you. The defeats of the past are not your legacy. The moments that your knees buckled because it hurt too much to stand doesn't mean that you can't run again.

Because you've been training your whole life to unlock the hidden Force within you and you never even knew it. So go forth my friend I know but the greatness of the Gods and of your every dream and desire dwells within you.

 And all you have to do is unleash it and believe.

Universes within Hearts

 

Quietly holding our loved ones near

In one small moment, a universe

Of hopes and plans, of dreams and fears

That expands until my chest might burst

Holding onto this moment

Hope time could just stand still

Just a few moments longer

Knowing one day this will

All recede to yesteryear

Vanish eventually from mind and space

Another tomorrow will appear

But no hereafter can take it’s place

Each moment gone is gone forever

But forms such crystals in our hearts

Of flickering reel we spent together

That scintillate light from the very stars

Stars as far away as yesterday

Their light as close as now

When all todays must fade away

Every act takes its final bow

Years become moments, and moments lifetimes

Our hearts encapsulate such treasures grand

That in a moment can be a universe

And a universe in a grain of sand