Used To Sparkle

I remember when you're pretty eyes

Used to sparkle just for me

But that sparkle and it's magic

Now are just a memory

So much weathered before our joining

Seemed it might be destiny

But even stars one day grow cold

And I don't believe in 'meant to be'

These fleeting memories

Of the love you bear for me

Of all our harmony

Dying in this tragedy

If we could start again

Instead of giving in

If we could try to make it

Take it, break it, don't mistake it

It was never you and I

It was us and we shined bright

Others noticed all around us

Envious or glad they found us

And in our hand to hand

We would make our ever stand

In this life we'd made

Never have to be afraid

Cuz you had me

And I had you

And we would see

Each other through

And hold the shaking

Falling, breaking

Tears that someday come

And once I had realized

You and I found paradise

In each other's eyes and arms

And all our fun

And from sweet serenity

We find this, the tragedy

The bond we make

That cannot break

Please God tell me

There's been some mistake

In our sweet surrender

Some where we lost our forever

And as we fade away

I'll be thinking of the day

You on my door

Not wanting to turn away

Of both us wanting more

Me not knowing what to say

Because I feared this day would come

And all my hope be burned to dust

Wishing I could just be numb

The moment I had learned to trust

And as the symphony

Draws right to the bitter end

Left with misery

Not knowing which way to send

These thoughts that burn my mind alive

What I wouldn't sacrifice

To change your mind and change our lives

And let our love survive

I'm left choking on the pain

The same hard lesson once again

I can't change the past or destiny

So what's there left for me?

Spinning fast

No place to turn

Will this last

Forever yearn

A shadow right outside the grave

A soul nobody wants to save

I'm not ready for the fall

I'd have given you my all

But in the end it's not my call

And I don't have the where withal

To do this slow dance anymore

Been here too many times before

And whatever I have left to learn

I'm not ready to feel that burn

So let me go and let me rest

And please know I did my best

Keep my love next to your chest

Hate to think I lost this quest

Your beautiful eyes used to sparkle just for me

Beaming like the morning dawn

Our touch and kiss, such serenity

And somewhere that melody still lingers on

Tempest

I may never fully understand

The tempest in her eyes

Walking with both feet on land

Her heart lost amidst the skies

When turbulent the blues come bold

When melancholy, somber grey

The mischief in greens behold

Or star burst on some happy day

I often wonder what she's thinking

Seeming taciturn to opine

In passion and in tender silence

Her mysteries imprint her in my mind

I've stood before the calm and storm

Yet still am so oft surprised

For man may never know what's borne

Behind the tempest in her eyes

Within Reach of Heaven

She is all I want

She is all I see

When I close my eyes in memory

I feel like I can't breathe

Between the here and now

And the winds of destiny

Is so close and yet somehow

It simply wasn't meant to be

In the wings of heaven

I reach for you and you touch me

Amidst clouds and smoke

We act out our symphony

If I had faith back then

Would I be alone again

Or would our souls intertwine...

Regret is such a private hell

Am I the angel that fell

Or do I love a lie?

This shaking sickness that flows through me

Takes me to the floor through buckled knees

Cough through the sobs, cry til I choke

I still can't believe

That any loving God could take you away from me

Together at the altar, alone at your grave

And I count the days til I see you again

Like moments loaded into the pistol

Shot my life away

Every drunk and broken dream

Dissipates with the light of day

And you're gone again

As the cold sets in

I cling only to the memories

Tatters

Hearts don't break, we don't hear the shatter

The rends happen silently

And not all at once

The tears appear slowly

Burnt and scraped

With every careless word

,Harsh moment

,Forgotten plan

If it was broken it would stop working

And the pain would cease

But it pumps hot regret through cooling veins

Steam creating condensation

Tear ducts releasing pressure

Unseen

The cloth within, worn and torn

These tattered remnants writhe with pain

When winds of memory twist their fabric

And all those echoes come back to life

But there is life in pain

And wisdom in remembering

Strength in growing

And beauty in learning

Though the shadows of the past still sting and haunt

Experience gained is a treasure stored

Each moment forward where knowledge makes use

There may seem no future

In this coiling darkness

But the strength within us builds

For each wound borne

Each pain recalled

New joys are that much sweeter

Anon this Shore

After days of laughter and nights of passion, her sillage was all that was left. Yet it was all consuming. Her perfume's ghost danced at the edges of every breeze. Every crowd hid a murmur of her voice. He felt her fingers interlace with his with every setting sun. And through his tears he could see her phantom, a spectre of all their happy memories.

Yet despite the pain, it was her sillage that kept him going; living the life she would have wanted for him. And in every laugh and every smile til his dying day, he felt her presence.

Alone by You

Needle pricks of awaking numbness

Sensations bring my eyes to tears

To feel again, I have become this

Creature to cast away my fears.

How do I feel so all alone

With you here right beside me

The emptiness yawns between us

Pulling you farther away from me

And my spirit lost in the cirrus

My mind the echoing cacophony

But sadness lingers in the longing

Much deeper when you finally know

What you've always been wanting

Where you want your heart to go

And as you drift farther from me

Desolation becomes my heart

And I miss you more when you're next to me

Than when we're a thousand miles apart

Stolen Turns

Amidst the spiral staircase

Ever onward up and down

Looking glasses come face to face

But I can't describe what I've found

Through the endless jagged hallways

Worn smooth by all my pacing

The difference between now and always

Memory versus mind's erasing

I whisper to once more hear my voice

I choke back sobs when I can't contend

I scream into this void of choice

Of lunacy where I pretend

Raw and broken I stumble sideways

And fall right through another dream

Knees weak I stand to find the pathways

Beneath the Styx and Stygian stream

And Lethe cannot my soul allay

I don't remember, but still repent

Still I mourn some random day

What hasn't passed from me yet

In this maze I endless wander

Wondering what will it take

To no longer have my heart pine yonder

At last this nomad's soul forsake

Parting Words

When that moment comes

How do you say

Thank you for every moment

Til today?

There simply are no parting words

No encapsulation of good bye

Nothing written or that you've heard

That will do the job no matter how you try.

How do you say 'this is it'?

Sum up all that made you and I

I'll think of so many words to say

One day as I remember, as I cry

It's not right now that I'll remember

I'm not thinking clearly anyhow

It'll be the quiet days in late December

And I'll whisper 'I miss you now'

When a scent reminds me of days long gone

When a song brings me to my knees

When I think I see you, but know I'm wrong

When I feel your spirit in the breeze

When I hear your voice in a crowd

Or with friends, memories come to mind

As I move forward and hope you're proud

Or thinking back when it's my time

I simply don't want you to go

For all the reasons I hold you dear

And for all of that I still know

You'll be better off than you are here

A thousand images flicker through

The projector reel in my mind

Once I've said good bye to you

I'll be the one that's left behind

As my heart constricts

I set down my pen

And look forward to

When I see you again

Never-were

I got to pretend to be a prince
For a while
It was such a wonderful dream
Existence on the periphery
I exist on the periphery

No one really knows who I am
Only those who could remember
Me has not been me
And I am not the same
And so much has by the wayside fallen
And I've so much more to gain

A hodge podge collecting trinkets
Ornaments for all my shelves
Sometimes I want to save the world
Others I can not even help myself


Life in such vivid, vibrant colors
Loathsome time in charcoal grey
And anon, and anon

Hang upon the Christmas tree these letters
Spelling out what we can not quite say
Across a family from behind fences
The more things change...

So at the impass, crossroads leading
Nowhere, somewhere, twixt between
This and that and no there, not there
You are not meant to be where
That road leads

Staring off to unknown horizon
Trepidation so oft the victor
And I just can't forget
The projector screen inside my head
That shows me pictures
Memories encapsulated
Of what once was
Or what could be

Somber too, these memories
Or memories that might have been
For sometimes we hold those too
Just as close and dear
The never were
The almost could be
Or sometime would be
If we could sew with ley lines
And make a tapestry
Of a destiny
Of our own choosing

Sometimes we are not who we could be
Or not whom we wish to be
Or other times we are the part
We have chosen to play

Mask is painted
Stage is set
All the pieces upon the board
Could fall like dominos
At a moment of notice

Clear away that board
And play another game
We do not have to always lose

Let us bend the rules in our favor
Let dreamers breathe forth reality

Carpe Diem

Caught up in the echoing serenade
These words from the mirror speak
From the roads where memories made
The paths that we still seek
And still we find from time to time
Tokens that remind us of affection
But in love; no reason nor rhyme
Our hearts left without protection
But in struggling toward that failing light
We reach moments that in brilliance shine
So if the treasure is worth the plight
Then grasp each moment and make it thine

Flowers in Her Hair

She turns her head from you, not wanting them to know

The twinge that comes across your face leaves echo of the show

A subtle hint of entropy that surrounds her since the day

She found you in the shadows, and you took her joy away

I miss the flowers in her hair

I miss the smiles, like she didn’t have a care

I miss the wistful way she’d look upon a day

And I’ve counted every moment

Since all that went away

Tried so hard to understand the storm that writhes within her head

But I have never seen that hell, so I know that it’s no use

And you’re left without the option of forgetting her as dead

When the haunting of her pale eyes are left here to accuse

I miss the flowers in her hair

I miss the smiles, like she didn’t have a care

I miss the wistful way she’d look upon a day

And I’ve counted every moment

Since all that went away

I watch you follow her, to rid your tell tale heart

Cut you off in the bathroom, before you have the chance to start

I’m not accustomed to this way of taking, so I hope I do it well

So that when I’m finally through, you'll wish you were in hell

Bought with Memory

Brought to heights like Icarus
To fall as only Satan knows
To have danced in the courts of Dionysus
And tread where Persephone's garden grows
Light and dark, so oft the same
Another rose, a different name
We pick our cards and play the game
We want the choices but not the blame
We fear the loss just like the gain
Live for the pleasure and the pain



Just don't pretend you never knew
When this dance is finally through
We grab our coats and bid adieu
And it ends like these things often do



And one day when the memories are faded
We've forgotten why we walked away
The celluloid in our minds degraded
All we have then is what may
Or may not have happened had this or that
Become tomorrow and that next day
Found us arm in arm, and all that matt-
ered was the interwining
The rune stones of our own divining
All came back to decisions made
How the sheets turned down in these beds we've made

Tapestry

Sunlight filters through a patchwork roof
From this room I've always felt
Like I can see the world
From the north window winding rivers and streams
That twist and travel behind the hills and the trees
I imagine what creatures may live there
Where the winding paths may lead
But I am in this tower, and I can not go that way

To the west, majestic mountains
Sun drenched evening red
On the crags that stretch on forever
Could I climb those peaks
What would I see from the top
Or on the way up?
But I may never know
For I am in this tower, and I can not go that way

To the east is the sea
Blue with no bottom
An endless receding horizon
Could I sail those seas till I found land?
Could I explore those depths until I
Discovered something new
and I try to stop imagining
Because I am in this tower, and I can not go that way

And to the south are the sands
A bright blue sky over shifting ground
Where I could be lost forever
Find the oasis, and live out my days in paradise
And perhaps some passing caravan would find me
Years after I had passed, and read the journal I had left
And I would live forever
But forever is so far away
I am in this tower, and I can not go that way

Between the windows, stand book cases
That are always full
Of books about these places where I have never been
And I may never be to
For I am in this tower, and I think that I am forced to stay

But here in this tower, I can see it all
And though I have not been, it is still here with me
And in this tower I can learn what I may never see
But is it enough to know, or must we sometimes be?
But I am still in this tower, and from here I can not say

Early one morning I awoke
So restless from my dreams
I looked upon my four windows
To see these familiar things
Unchanged as from the last day
North and West and South and East
Each different in their own way
But it could not bring me peace

A rent in the fabric
Ignorant fabric had been
The backdrop for my scenery
For all I had thought I'd seen

I placed my hands inside the tear
With some fear I pulled it wide
And for the first I beheld
What the tapestry meant to hide

A moving shifting landscape
With a life all of its own
An ocean beyond the hills
And a road dotted with homes
A lake beneath my window
Creatures moving through the trees
And birds flying through air
Flower beds alive with bees

I sat down to collect myself
For I could not believe
Years of what I thought I knew
Such an elegant deceive
A world alive beyond these walls
That I did not know to be
My body shaking, the time had come
To set my spirit free
I ran forth and cast myself into
The water just outside my door
Embracing life and all things new
I'd be held captive here no more

I struggled to the shore
Of lands where I had never been
Over my shoulder, one look back
At where it did begin
I could have left when e're I wanted
I was not ready yet
The lesson of knowing that I don't know
I shall ne'er forget