How is it different with me?
I'm going to be out with it.
It all sounds like cop out bullshit to
me.
That it was just too much effort on
your part to try and stay with me
And I had gone through too much for
you,
and fought so hard
to be with you to be tossed aside and
shit on in the end for it.
I would have crawled naked through the
depths of hell for you,
and given you my eternity...
Saying you broke my heart is honestly a
little too cliche for what happened.
You let me believe in something I had
yearned for my entire life,
and had almost lost all hope in ever
finding.
Then like fog it all dissipating,
leaving me standing alone in what I
thought would be our home forever.
I felt like I couldn't stand.
Couldn't breathe.
That all air had left my body
and it hurt too much to cry.
I didn't tell you all that then,
because I didn't want to cause you
pain.
All I ever wanted to do was see you
happy.
In the depths of my own despair,
I tried to help you through yours.
In the surrounding darkness,
you were my solace as the cold inked in
all around me.
Hands shaking
I set down the phone that day
and I just sat there
staring at the wall
looking for answers I knew would never
come.
But just holding on...
to a belief
or a dream
or a memory...
of what used to be.
That I had just watched slip through my
hands.
Language is such a flawed medium to
bring across what I want to say
and don't know how.
Sometimes there just aren't words...
Perhaps you believe that some one will
love you like I did
or greater than I have.
My own reasoning for doubting it is
simple.
I've never seen it.
I've seen love surrounded by
misdirection
indiscretion
anger
jealousy
suspicion
and faithlessness.
To greater or lesser degrees
but the disconnect always arrives
in one form or another.
And with you, I felt that our souls
were one...
I feel strength leave me even as I
write these words...
but I know it doesn't matter
and that I can't change the past.
I can only take solace in knowing that
I did all I could do
for you.
But as I've said before
maybe you aren't who you were.
Not anymore
And I don't know what you were hiding
because I knew your words before you
spoke them.
I knew you better than I know myself...
And I am sad that it is gone
but here's to tomorrow...
I guess I knew all along
but I hoped for us somehow
I'm sorry for this...
but I just don't know what else to
say...
